Monday, October 03, 2005

Waking the Dead with a Rubber Chicken

The Parable of Jesus and the Rubber Chicken
What if Christ spoke at a Republican Party fund-raiser?

Hello Fellow Travellers!

I've had arguments with Right WingNuts until I just walk away utterly stunned at the contortions of Biblical Scripture and the corruption of Jesus teachings. This amazing effort that they put into pusdo-spiritual gymnastics - just blows my mind.

To tell the truth, it would blow your mind too if I could document and then play back on this website what these radical, arch-conservative Christians go through & say to justify Biblically and in the Name of Jesus (and being a Good Christian) what they think and do. It is such shocking greed, entitled arrogance, disregard for the poor, contempt for the less fortunate and a revulsion of the truly meek (be it by age, infirmity or some other criteria).

Yup - just blow your mind. I can't even crack the facade of their beliefs - not woth Jesus own words, not with Scripture, not with appeal to moral values, not with a call to conservative compassion. Just can't do it.

Until now - this little piece below has cracked that foundationof more than three conservatives I know. How? Humor, satire and a mirror.

Check it out - I thinkyou'll like it too. Show your friends.......

The Parable of Jesus and the Rubber Chicken
What if Christ spoke at a Republican Party fund-raiser?
By Tom PeyerPosted Thursday, Aug. 25, 2005, at 4:21 AM PT


Thank you, Mr. Chairman. I'm going to have a hard time living up to an introduction like that. (LAUGHTER)

First, let Me express My gratitude for your support over the last few years. It's nice to be thought of as a winner for a change. If I had known we'd get the House, the Senate, and two consecutive terms in the White House (APPLAUSE)—if I'd known all that, I would have had an easier time that Friday on the Cross, let me tell you. (LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

But seriously, folks (LAUGHTER)—no, seriously, that day did pass, and then two more. Then I rose from the dead. (CHEERS, APPLAUSE) Thank you. I rose from the dead and I flew up to Heaven. But first, you'll remember, I made a little side trip to Hell (SCATTERED BOOS) just to get a look at how they do things. And I'm here to tell you, Hell is just like Heaven (AUDIBLE GASPS)—but with taxes. (LAUGHTER, CHEERS, APPLAUSE)

I'd especially like to thank President Bush, who gave me a free Pioneer membership. (AUDIBLE GASPS, MUTTERING) Was I not supposed to say that? Sorry. My point is, the president's a good man. The only real difference between Me and him is his daddy found a way to forgive Bill Clinton. (WILD APPLAUSE)

This president married well, too. He married a woman. (CHEERS, APPLAUSE) That's the right way. That's the way my Dad intended. Respect the sanctity of marriage. Now a few loud people keep saying the government should forget about sanctity, forget about religion. They want separation of church and state. See these hands? See the holes in them? That's separation of church and state. (APPLAUSE) I know George W. Bush, and I know he won't ever let that happen to me again. (CHEERS, APPLAUSE)

Ken Mehlman asked me to come down here today to meet with you good people and clear up a few things you've been wondering about. I told him I'd be glad to eat a little crow for a good cause. You'll forgive me if I read a brief prepared statement, but Ken and my Dad want me to get this just right. (LAUGHTER) Here goes.

"In My youth, I made certain ill-advised statements that I now regret. If I offended anyone, I apologize. I want to clarify that it is easy for a rich man to enter the kingdom of Heaven. (CHEERS, WILD APPLAUSE)

"I'd like to apologize specifically to the money-changers. It is My sincere hope that you will come back into the Temple free of charge as My guests." (WILD APPLAUSE, CHANT OF "U.S.A! U.S.A!")

Finally—and this is Me speaking for Myself now—I want to say to the meek: Once we finally get rid of the death tax, you're not inheriting anything. Not while you're meek, so buck up. (CHEERS) And that goes double for you peacemakers. (LAUGHTER) Good night and Dad bless America. (CHEERS, WILD APPLAUSE)

Tom Peyer is a co-editor of O Holy Cow: The Selected Verses of Phil Rizzuto. Still from The Gospel of John on the Slate home page by Toronto Film Studios/Zuma Press.

Kinda stuns ya and amkes ya laugh all at the same time......

See what I mean?

Peace Out -



At Saturday, October 29, 2005 12:57:00 PM, Rodger Schlong said...

At Monday, November 14, 2005 12:38:00 PM, DaNutz said...

I agree that Jesus was a liberal, but a bigger question for everyone here on this blog is....

Would Jesus be a liberal today?

I think he would agree with all the liberal causes (as I do) but I think he would reject the idea of having a corrupt government manage the funds toward serving those causes via extortion (mandatory taxes in exchange for protection).

Being opposed to war, violence, bigotry, etc as wall as being in favor of social compassion, equality, justice and protection of the environment does not mean you would be a democrat. I think that in today’s society he would prefer the government get out of doing those things and leave them to be run by voluntary funded programs (churches and other non-profit groups) where they would be handled by people that really care.

Why should we take up taxes and give it to a group of corrupt people that don’t really care about any of the causes we want them to protect?

How much more effective would the EPA be if it was run by Greenpeace (i.e. people that actually cared about the environment). How much more effective would welfare and social security be if it was run by caring loving volunteers at local churches?

What if we gave 75% of the tax money back to the people and let them decide how to invest on a volunteer basis? I think most would eventually give it right back to worthy causes and the country would be run more efficiently. Just think of the money saved by not having any more crooked politicians with huge budgets waited to be purchased.

I think Jesus would definitely be a libertarian in today’s society.


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